A Question
Hi All,
I have a question that has been on my mind since the service yesterday morning and I'm now at the point where I'm asking for help. For those of you who know me, you will probably roll your eyes (as Jen has been doing since I started asking this question) but I'm being sincere when I ask.
Yesterday morning we stood in the service and sang the song, "Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble?" by Delirious. Part of the lyrics are:
"Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your peace
Dancers who dance upon injustice"
This song has been going through my head ever since we sang it and I can't figure out what "Dancers who dance upon injustice" could possibly mean. The thing is that the line doesn't even rhyme so I think whoever wrote it must mean something by it but I can't imagine what it is. I've asked some other people who are probably smarter than I am and no one that I've talked to has any idea either. So I'm sending out this email to ask for help. Could anyone offer an explanation about what this could possibly mean?
Thanks for any thoughts you may give to this stupid question. I appreciate any suggestions that anyone may have.
What I've Learn About God From My Children - Passion
I think my daughters are beautiful. I'm sure that every father does so my opinion of their looks is about as fair as a French figure skating judge (reference to 2002 Olympic scandal). Both of my girls have beautiful eyes. Karah's are a sparkling blue and Lauren's are chocolate brown. Their eyes speak about as much as their mouths do and it's amazing how much Jen and I can tell about what's going on just by looking into their eyes.
About three weeks ago Karah learned to ride a bicycle on two wheels for the first time. We had been trying to teach her for a little while and she was starting to get the hang of it until her friend Madi came to visit for the day. Madi is the youngest of 3 children and had learned to ride from her older sister and brother. She picked up Karah's bike and Karah watched as she rode it up and down our street. As soon as Madi's mom picked her up and she was gone Karah grabbed her bike and wanted to try to ride without any help. Within minutes she was pulling wheels up and down the sidewalk and screaming for all the neighbors to come watch her. Well, the wheelies part isn't exactly accurate but I'm sure they will be coming soon. As she displayed her new found skill for me, I couldn't help but notice her eyes. They were huge and screamed with new, two-wheeled passion for life.
About two weeks later Jen and I decided to take the kids for walk. Karah wanted to ride her bike so we threw it in the back of the truck and set off for the town of Cataract which is on the edge of a beautiful park. Karah rode her bike along the trail as Jen and I pushed Lauren in the stroller. As she rode on ahead of us every once in a while she would let out a little squeal of pure passion and when I heard it I got thinking about this topic of being God's children and I had to ask myself, where has my passion for life gone? At some point along the way having passion wasn't cool any more.
I just finished reading Mike Yaconelli's book "Dangerous Wonder" and I've started reading it through again. It is a book calling us to a dangerous, adventurous life following Jesus. It is a call to break out of the dull, passionless existence that so many of us experience and listen to Jesus and see where He takes us. I'd highly recommend this book to anyone but it scares the crap out of me. Why? Because it is asking me to step out of this dull, passionless existence which has become comfortable and predictable. Most days, I want comfortable and predictable but on those days I keep getting poked with the idea that there must be more than this. Jesus spoke many times about coming to give life. This comfort and predictability is an existence...not a life.
When I look at my children I see abundant, wide eyed, passion for life. Maybe this is because they are always pushing the envelope and trying something new. I know Karah was scared to ride her bike on two wheels. What if she fell? What if she couldn't stop the bike? What if her helmet, elbow and knee pads weren't enough to prevent injury. But now that she has pushed through that fear she is experiencing the abundant joy and excitement of riding on two wheels. I think God smiles when He sees that.
It's embarrassing to say that I am trying to work up the courage to live a passionate life but it's true. I suppose that I should try to come up with 6 steps to overcoming my fears and living a life of passion. I haven't done it yet so I'm not sure what those steps are. I'm trying though. I recently got tickets to go see Bon Jovi in January. I've been a Bon Jovi fan since I was in grade 7. It has been a long time since I've aloud myself to really be a fan though. All my friends know that I like Bon Jovi and I listen to their music when I feel like it but I stop short of being a true fanatic. I recently bought the new CD "Have A Nice Day" and it has a lot of great songs on it. Both Karah and Lauren love it. Every time we are in the car we have to play it for the kids. I don't mind. Karah is becoming a true Bon Jovi fanatic. She is learning the names of the band members and she already knows the lyrics of many of the songs. Her excitement is contagious and I have found myself toying with the idea of letting go and being a true fan. Just letting it all hang out. Tonight Karah, Lauren and I watched a DVD of the Bon Jovi Crush tour and it was a blast to be passionate about being a Bon Jovi fan again. We turned the volume up and sang along with all the songs...well, I did. It was a lot of fun. For me, I think this was a step in the right direction. I experienced a little bit of passionate living that was more than just an existence. I think that is a little bit of the passionate life that Jesus wants us to live when He says,
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Jesus came to give life. I want to be brave enough to listen to Him. I want to have enough faith to obey whatever He tells me and trust Him for wherever life takes me. I want to take the training wheels off and ride on two wheels. I know that there is potential for bumps and scrapes but I also know that there will be little squeals of pure passion along the way.
Pictures of Karah and Lauren
What I've Learned About God From My Children - Intro
March 18th, 2001 was a day that changed me in more ways than I can begin to count. By starting my writing with a sentence like that I'm sure that anyone reading this is expecting some huge, Earth shattering event, and it was, but only for my wife and I and our immediate family. This was the day that our first daughter, Karah, was born. I know that there are litterally a billion stories about childbirth experiences so I won't bother to get into ours but I do want to explain a little of the emotion and feelings I felt on that day. My wife could tell some interesting stories about her experience too except for the fact that she was given a shot of Demerol and literally had no idea what was going on. For me, the experience was the most intense 18 hours of my life and I remember it like it was yesterday.
Due to some health issues I wasn't able to actually hold Karah for the first time until a couple of hours after she was born. Our family and friends had come to visit and had left when I was finally able to hold her and take her down to recovery where I could introduce her to her mother. Karah had an I.V. of anti-biotics attached that I had to drag behind us and as I held her and took the 3 minute walk down to recovery I remember being hit with the new reality that I was now a father. I was someones daddy. Later, as I was driving home, after the adrenaline had worn off, the emotions hit and I started to cry tears of exhaustion and tears of happiness.
Two years later, almost to the day, our second little girl, Lauren, was born and it has been an incredible ride ever since. For four years now it seems like everything in my life has been amplified. Everything means so much more now. Emotions are much stronger. Responsibility is greater. Hurts are more painful. Happyness is more meaningful. And love has a whole new meaning and understanding.
Recently God has been teaching me about dependance on Him. It has been a scary, exciting, and humbling experience. As I have struggled to shed my desire for self-dependence, God has been using my kids to teach me about the relationship that He desires to have with me. There is a reason that God takes on the title of Father and I have felt the need and the desire to examine my children more closely to see what I can learn in order to grow in my relationship with God.
So, my plan is to use this blog as a place to post those thoughts. This may turn into a 10 part series or it may end after one part. I don't know. But at the end of it I hope to have a better understanding of exactly what Jesus meant when he said in Matthew 18:2-4
2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Thoughts on Struggles
I've spent a lot of time at the waterfalls the last couple of days trying to wrap my head around some stuff. I've been trying to think through this whole idea of tough Christianity and denying myself, and accepting that God isn't interested in making my life easier. To be honest, I have become a very angry, bitter, impatient and ugly person as I have thought this stuff through. Tuesday night at my baseball game it all came out in an almost uncontrolable rage (actually, at times it was out of control) and it reminded me of the person I used to be...and it scared me.
On the trip home and all day yesterday I was thinking it through. Have I gone backward so far that I would hate my opponents in a friendly baseball game as I did on Tuesday. I quit playing baseball a few years ago because I almost got in a fight and here I was, wanting to fight again. What's happened to me? Has all this thought on church and Christianity made me into a complete jerk?
So I went out to the waterfall this morning with all this on my mind. I read through the story of Jacob wrestling with God as that is what I feel like I have been doing. Not necessarily wrestling with God but wrestling with this whole new understanding of Him. The story of Jacob's wrestling match with God is kinda strange and I don't really get it but I won't get into that now. Read it and please post any helpful thoughts. Anyways, as I thought about my own wrestling match, the words of Don Miller kept going through my head. In "Searching For God Knows What" he talks about the story of Job. He explains that most people look at Job and try to find steps to dealing with pain and struggles. But he explains that Job is really telling us that life is hard and instead of offering us steps to make the struggles of life go away, God is offering himself to help us through our struggles. Not to take the struggles away but to help us through them. As I thought about this offer from God, I really wanted to take Him up on it as I realized how much I need the help with my struggles. As I prayed about this I was reminded how I deal with Karah and Lauren's struggles as their father. I love my girls a whole lot and even though I see them struggle with stuff at times, I often let them learn to work it out for themselves so that they will grow and mature. But I still love them.
I had forgotten about God's love for me as my heavenly Father and that has translated into how I have viewed other people. Loving people wasn't even close to being a reality. I was looking at my life as a series of useless struggles that God was turning His back on because the Christian life isn't supposed to be easy. The truth is that the Christian life isn't supposed to be easy but it is a life lived in relationship with a loving Father who is not turning His back on me but loving me through my struggles as I try to do with my own children.
Wow. Love. What an easy thing to forget at the times when life is tough but what a powerful medication to get through those times.
Obligation - The Enjoyment Killer
My grandfather passed away back in February. He was in his mid-80's and had struggled ever since he had a stroke about 7 or 8 years ago. I learned many things from his life example but one of the most lasting lessons he taught me happened when I was about 7 or 8 years old. We were visiting my uncle at Camp Widjitiwan and as we were leaving I decided that I wanted to climb over each of the large rocks that lined the road out of the camp. After climbing over about 4 rocks he commanded me to climb over the rocks. I obeyed as he was a large man and could have twisted my skinny, little frame into any shape he wanted. After climbing over 2 or 3 more rocks he said to me, "not as much fun now that you have to do it, is it." He was right.
Recently I was reading the blog of Tim Baily http://tsbailey.blogspot.com/ Tim has a post that is titled "A human doing..." He starts by saying, "
Sometimes I feel more like a human doing than a human being" I can really relate. This morning I went for a short hike to take video for my job and as I walked I realized that I wasn't enjoying an activity that I would normally love. As I thought about it more I realized that so many things in my life are the same. Activities that I normally love like baseball, building furniture, hiking, and biking are chores because somehow they have become obligations. I get more enjoyment out of the conversations after the baseball game than I do the game itself. This weekend we are going camping with my wife's family, and although I don't enjoy crowded camp grounds and many other things that go along with camping, the thing that irritates me the most is that I'm obligated to go. I think the best holiday I could have right now would be to hang out with people that I don't
have to hang out with and do something that we don't
have to do. Sounds heavenly.
I wasn't planning to turn this into anything about church but as I have been writing this I got to thinking about how much I feel obligated to be at church and do the things I do there. I wonder if the obligations and ties that so many of us have to running programs and services detracts some of the love and sincerity from what we do. In my little mind it makes
being the church seem so much more authentic. I'm pretty sure many would agree.
Quit Whining
Here I sit, on my deck. The first time I have been able to do this in weeks. It's been a long, hot day and the little breeze in my backyard makes this heat a little easier to handle. I feel the need to whine but I don't want to. Today I just feel tired and the brave words that I wrote in my last post about accepting the mission to create change feel like they came from a different person. I'm not that courageous person today. Even the thoughts of going for a bike ride and spending time with God (usually one of my favorite things to do) seems too hard.
What a whiner I can be. After reading what I have wrote so far, I want to slap myself. Why does it take so much effort for this not to be about me? Especially when I'm tired. On Sunday I had the opportunity to talk with a woman who I honestly consider a hero. Lynda Arthey runs Shepherd's House which is home to 12 people who would otherwise be living on the street. After hanging out with Lynda and people who live at Shepherd's House a few months ago, my thoughts on true Christianity changed. At the time I wrote my thoughts down and I'll post them below. At Shepherd's House Lynda provides food and shelter for these people and pays for much of it from her own pocket. She deals with city inspectors who give her a rough time about the condition and classification of the house. She deals with fights between the alcoholics who use a legal drug and the drug addicts who use illegal drugs. She helps these people with resumes and finding jobs. She prays with them and doesn't just talk to them about Jesus, she shows them Jesus.
And here I sit, whining that it's hot and I'm tired. Somebody slap me.
Arranged Marriage
We, the church, instead of showing people who Jesus is by our actions and allowing them to fall in love with Him naturally, have focused our attention on talking people into loving Him. We try to paint a picture of Christianity that is fun and exciting. We entertain people in our “services” and cater to the forms of entertainment that they enjoy the most; drama, up-beat music, lively speakers, etc. We tickle the ears of people with the words that they want to hear like “community”, “love” and “acceptance” but often we practice exclusion, and judgment. It seems like the best evangelists are the best sales people as they have the ability to talk people into things and sell them on the benefits – painting a pretty picture of Christianity and all the perks.
Jesus did things much different than we, “his body”, do things today. Jesus never painted a pretty picture of what life would be like following Him. The boldest statement of this is found in Luke 9:23 which says, “Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”” That doesn’t sound like an invitation to come watch drama or listen to up-beat music or a lively speaker. It doesn’t really sound like a statement that would create a warm or sentimental feeling, either. If we look at the lives of the people who were closest to Him, people like Paul and Peter, we will see lives that were full of pain, discomfort, prison and beatings but also full of passion and a love for Jesus that drove them to keep getting uncomfortable for His sake.
God came to earth in the form of Jesus Christ to restore the broken relationship between God and man that was broken by sin. God created man back in Genesis to enjoy a loving and active relationship with himself but we messed up that relationship through our own selfishness by disobeying God and bringing sin into the world. Since the fall in Genesis 3 God has watched with pity and compassion as we have struggled to live life apart from Him. To clean up the mess that we have made of ourselves and restore the relationship that was broken, Jesus came and set an example through His life and was the sacrifice for our sins through His death. In doing this, He has invited us back into a relationship with Himself that He describes as a marriage. We are His bride. He is our bridegroom.
As I thought about this marriage with Christ I asked myself what were the things that attracted me to my wife. The answers that I came up with were probably the same as any other guy: her looks, her personality, her creativity and the way that she lived her life. I wasn’t talked into loving her by her parents or anyone else. It happened by spending time together and getting to know what she was like. Then I got to thinking about how we as the church try to get people to love Jesus. We do a sell job as I mentioned earlier. Sometimes we do a “bait and switch” by attracting people through fun and entertainment and slipping the nice parts of the gospel in somewhere but never really getting to the part where Jesus talks about denying yourself and taking up your cross daily. In terms of marriage, we seem to be in the business of arranging marriages rather than showing people who He is by following the example of His life and allowing them to fall in love with Him on their own.
This makes a lot of sense to me as I think about why people choose to walk away from the Christian life. If people are sold on all the benefits of the Christian life like acceptance, community, love and the things that make them feel good, if one of those things doesn’t meet their expectations or they don’t get that feeling any more then they probably feel like they have been sold a defective product. Or, if after coming to expect the things that make them feel good, they find out that Jesus was really telling us to deny ourselves and do things that are uncomfortable like serving and caring for other people, they probably would come to the realization that they were sold a lie.
Arranged marriage also explains the apathy and mediocrity that is so apparent in our churches. So many Christians are in a marriage with Christ that has been arranged by well-intentioned parents, grandparents, or friends and is not a result of falling in love with Jesus. Because of this arrangement, there seems to be a lack of passion and a lack of love for our Savior, as the marriage doesn’t seem to be genuine. I am speaking from experience because this describes my life until recently. Growing up in a Christian home, I was taken to church on Sundays and was involved in all the programs and through all this, God was real to me. I was in a marriage with Christ because of what I was told I could get out of it and occasionally my prayers were answered in real and obvious ways, which kept me in the marriage. It was all about me.
Over the last year or so things started to change for me but it wasn’t like it was a sudden epiphany or anything like that. I have neighbors that have struggled with cancer and other serious health issues for about a year. This has left them without the energy and strength to take care of their property. To be a good neighbor I started cutting their grass when I was cutting my own and continued to do this through the summer. This led to shoveling their driveway in the winter. As I was doing this, and not always enjoying it as I hate shoveling snow, I kept wondering if I was making a difference for them beyond the obvious chores getting done. At the same time I started getting uncomfortable about what we are accomplishing by gathering together as “the church” on Sunday mornings. Especially when I could open the paper on Monday morning and read stories about other groups and organizations doing stuff to help people in need. I started wondering what we were accomplishing and if this is the way that Jesus would have done things. I also felt really challenged by the T.V. show, “Extreme Home Makeover” as every show that I watched almost brought tears as I watched the incredible difference Ty Pennington and his team made in needy peoples lives.
All this thinking led me to look at Jesus life differently. If I were honest with myself, I would have to admit that I didn’t really care a whole lot about Jesus life. I knew that He died to pay the price for my sins and all the other stuff that He did was mildly interesting but I figured it was mostly just there to give preachers and other intellectual’s stuff to talk and argue about. Besides getting me into heaven, it didn’t really apply much to me because I couldn’t walk on water or touch people and heal them. But my discomfort with church and something about the phrase, “the church is the body of Christ” led me to take a look at Jesus life differently. I figured that if we (the church) are the body of Christ then wouldn’t that mean that we should do what He did. So I went through the gospel of Matthew and wrote down all the things that Jesus did. He taught. He healed. He fed the 4000. I noticed that Jesus did do a lot of teaching but the thing He did the most was that He took care of people’s practical needs. To me this meant that He showed people that He loved them more than He told them and when He told them He loved them He backed it up with action.
This new perspective on Jesus life changed things a whole lot for me. I finally understood that although I couldn’t touch my neighbor and give them back their strength and energy, by cutting their grass, I was taking care of a practical need that they would have needed strength and energy to accomplish. It also showed that I cared about them, which is something that Jesus was doing all the time. Jesus life started to become more relevant to me because I realized that I could do some of the things that He did. It also made me fall in love with Him. How could I not love someone who cared about people so much? How could I not love someone who cares about me so much? If “Extreme Home Makeover” could bring a tear to my eye because of the way they helped people, the stuff Jesus did should have me bawling. And somewhere in all of this I went from a marriage relationship with Christ that was arranged to a marriage relationship based on my love for Him that I discovered by seeing Him in action. I saw Him in action through me and I saw Him in action through other people who were committed to helping the homeless and the sick and the crippled - people who were being “the body of Christ”.
No Rants...Just Thoughts
Well, it is Monday afternoon after a very busy and interesting weekend. Today I really felt the need to get out and spend some time with God at one of my favorite places in the world...a waterfalls that is about 10 minutes from my house. An older picture is above. It's not fall here yet. My favorite times with God are when I am alone and away from my responsibilities at home and work. These are times that I look forward to and when I haven't been able to do it for a while, I start to crave these times alone with God. Today I had one of those cravings.
As I started my walk in from the road I could honestly feel myself relax but also get excited as I could hear the falls get louder. I remember having the same feeling of relaxing and excitement the last time I was given gas at the dentist. I ducked under tree branches and made my way down the hill to the river and at this point I could only hear the rushing water. What an awesome place!! The words of the author Don Miller kept going through my mind, "God did this to dazzle me." This waterfall always dazzles me and I can't help but be amazed at God's incredible creativity.
I was at the waterfalls to do some thinking and I thought I would post some of the stuff that went through my head. Yesterday I had a discussion about whether or not to be bothered with trying to change our church or if it is worth the hastle. I have often thought about Hebrews 12:1 which says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that
hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." and wondered if the church is just a hindrance that I should throw off to allow me to run faster. I thought and prayed about that a lot this morning because setting a new reality of what church is, is a huge and bitter project to start on. Do I really want to be a part of that? Do I have the energy to deal with the opposition? Is it worth it?
Two thoughts came to mind in answer to this. The first thought was of Jesus Christ and I wondered if He ever asked the same questions that I was asking; is it worth it? Do I really want to do this? Is there another way? The answer is yes, I think he was asking those questions on the Mount of Olives when He prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." I think he was asking the same questions. Do I really have to do this? Is it worth it? Is there another way? But Jesus was ultimately concerned with doing His Father's will so He accepted what He had to do. When I consider the road that seems to be ahead for me and others who have a burden for changing the perception and reality of what church and Christianity have become, I have to be encouaged that Jesus didn't wuss out on the road to the cross as I have wanted to do. He decided that we are worth it and because of His love for people and my love for Him, I have to accept that this road is worth it...no matter how tough it may be.
The second thought that came to mind was that God must be more concerned with the people who constitute the church than the institution of church itself. This thought really helps me because, in my mind, it allows me to focus on having conversations with people and influencing them to think about Christianity and church in a new way rather than trying to fight the politics of church to see change. I'm really not interested in dealing with the politics and trying to keep people happy. Keeping people happy is what has got us into this mess. The life that Jesus is calling us to is a dirty, messy, beautiful and purposeful place. Accepting the dirty and messy part of the equation is tough. But I'm seeing change already. Some people are starting to think about what church and Christianity should be instead of what they are. That's exciting. My hope and prayer is that God will influence people strongly to be a strong and healthy Body of Christ instead of this week, feeble skeleton that we have become.
Lord, if you are willing, take this cup from me; but not my will but yours be done.
D
