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Thoughts on Struggles

I've spent a lot of time at the waterfalls the last couple of days trying to wrap my head around some stuff. I've been trying to think through this whole idea of tough Christianity and denying myself, and accepting that God isn't interested in making my life easier. To be honest, I have become a very angry, bitter, impatient and ugly person as I have thought this stuff through. Tuesday night at my baseball game it all came out in an almost uncontrolable rage (actually, at times it was out of control) and it reminded me of the person I used to be...and it scared me.

On the trip home and all day yesterday I was thinking it through. Have I gone backward so far that I would hate my opponents in a friendly baseball game as I did on Tuesday. I quit playing baseball a few years ago because I almost got in a fight and here I was, wanting to fight again. What's happened to me? Has all this thought on church and Christianity made me into a complete jerk?

So I went out to the waterfall this morning with all this on my mind. I read through the story of Jacob wrestling with God as that is what I feel like I have been doing. Not necessarily wrestling with God but wrestling with this whole new understanding of Him. The story of Jacob's wrestling match with God is kinda strange and I don't really get it but I won't get into that now. Read it and please post any helpful thoughts. Anyways, as I thought about my own wrestling match, the words of Don Miller kept going through my head. In "Searching For God Knows What" he talks about the story of Job. He explains that most people look at Job and try to find steps to dealing with pain and struggles. But he explains that Job is really telling us that life is hard and instead of offering us steps to make the struggles of life go away, God is offering himself to help us through our struggles. Not to take the struggles away but to help us through them. As I thought about this offer from God, I really wanted to take Him up on it as I realized how much I need the help with my struggles. As I prayed about this I was reminded how I deal with Karah and Lauren's struggles as their father. I love my girls a whole lot and even though I see them struggle with stuff at times, I often let them learn to work it out for themselves so that they will grow and mature. But I still love them.

I had forgotten about God's love for me as my heavenly Father and that has translated into how I have viewed other people. Loving people wasn't even close to being a reality. I was looking at my life as a series of useless struggles that God was turning His back on because the Christian life isn't supposed to be easy. The truth is that the Christian life isn't supposed to be easy but it is a life lived in relationship with a loving Father who is not turning His back on me but loving me through my struggles as I try to do with my own children.

Wow. Love. What an easy thing to forget at the times when life is tough but what a powerful medication to get through those times.

posted by Dave @ 10:40 a.m.